Another One Bites the Dust

The title of this blog is now the theme song for my love life and I’m 100% okay with that. Technically speaking, two have bit the dust since I re-entered the dating world. Sure there have been the one offs, but I don’t count those. These two were ones that managed to get past the 90-day probationary period.

Let’s break this down…

Casualty #1
He started off really amazing. He planned such an amazing first date, which was ironically my dream date of dinner and a movie under the stars in the back of a truck. He made sure that I would be comfortable with the fact he was taking me to one of his favorite spots, but that there would be no cell service. I of course asked, “are you a serial killer?” The answer was “no” and the planning continued. He brought everything from sleeping bags and pillows to a propane fire pit, battery operated lights, and flameless candles. It truly felt like a dream.

As our relationship progressed, he proved to be very generous and affectionate. He always brought me a fresh bouquet of flowers every time he came back into town after working away for two weeks. He was always planning amazing dates and made spending time together a priority.

So, what went wrong you ask? There were a few things that bothered me; one being I struggled to get him to understand that when he was back in town for his week off my life didn’t go on hold. I still had work and school and exercise and life to attend to. Second, he often complained about not wanting to be “on the tools” for the rest of his life, but failed to show any motivation to want to change that. Lastly, there were a few occasions where he would drink to a point where he would blackout and he got aggressive with me. Physically aggressive. This was not something I wanted for my life or in a partner. So that was that!

He did have hope that after a few days to cool off I would change my mind, but I didn’t. This was a truly disappointing end to what I felt could have been a great long term relationship.

Casualty #2
This one was an amazing and memorable first date as well. He failed to tell me he was leaving the next day to start working up north on the rigs. I asked if he was worried I wouldn’t have come and he said yes. I followed up with saying I enjoy the distance as it gives me an opportunity to focus on everything I have on my plate without feeling I’m neglecting my partner. The date progressed and after being notified of a canceled flight to Vancouver, he knew he was going to have to drive overnight to catch his second flight in the morning. I spontaneously (not like me at all) joined him for the drive. He dropped me off at a Starbucks near the bus station around 5am. Neither of us wanted the date to end, but tis life.

He was up north for almost 3 weeks, we chatted everyday and got to know each other on a deeper level than we could have if we were physically together. His 40th birthday happened during his time up there and I wanted to plan something special for when he got back. I was going to meet him in Vancouver, we would overnight and then take a road trip to some hot springs for another night. It was a romantic few days and we had managed to pick up right where we left off.

Here is where things took a turn… he seemed very unmotivated to want to work at all. Finding excuses not to return up north and then when coming back to town, finding more excuses not to put in hours at his old job. That combined with a difference of opinion on some pretty intense topics made me realize our core values were incredibly different. Plus, he seemed to need to spend most of his life sleeping. I didn’t want a partner who had to take pre-workout before coming over because he would fall asleep on the couch every night.

I must have set a world record for fastest breakup on that one as I think we spoke for less than a minute and that was that.

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Both of these relationships have been enlightening and I most definitely learned a lot. I am not even close to being the same person I was previously and that therefore changes how I see relationships and dynamics. I am not willing to tolerate anything less than what I want in a partner and do not ignore the red flags. I will give someone the benefit of the doubt on a first offense, but as I have said to both of these dudes… “words are bullshit, actions and behavior are what I’m looking at.”

Onto the next I go!