We all have those people in our lives who give us advice whether solicited or not. Sometimes it’s valuable either right then and there or later in life, and sometimes it’s pure trash all around. As I continue to discover more and more about myself and heal from past traumas, I keep going back to a piece of advice I received almost 8 years ago. At this point I find it comical because it was the trigger point for my healing journey, I just didn’t know it then.
“You need to let someone love you.”
This was the sentence that started it all. I was an independent woman who never felt the need to let a man get close to me. Looking back on it now, I was clearly hesitant to open up and be vulnerable due to an extreme fear of abandonment. If I didn’t let anyone in, they couldn’t break my heart and leave me, either emotionally, physically, or both.
Whether the relationship following this statement was love or not, I’m still unsure. At this point, I believe it was attachment. At least from my end I think it was. From his… I can’t really say. What I can say is that I was in love with the potential of what the relationship could have been. This is not a good place to be as it sets you up for nothing but disappointment. You can’t solely love the potential of someone and ultimately the connection.
I lost myself in that relationship. I moved further and further away from ME. Discovering who I truly am following that relationship has really cleared up my perspective. The rose-colored glasses have been removed and I see everything for what it truly is as opposed to what I want to see.
While I’m grateful for that relationship, being told to let someone love me was definitely the worst love advice I have ever received. It’s not what I needed at the time. The advice I should have received was that I needed to learn to love myself.
Learn to love yourself unconditionally. Fiercely pursue your own dreams, set some goals, and strive to achieve them. Focus on YOU and the rest will come. Surrender to the flow of life and love because what is meant for you will always find you.
Bright & Bare Sassed 